I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
