she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I stole a fireplace last night.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
