I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
