last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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