What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
