She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
