omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
