he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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