ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
