It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize