He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
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