i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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