I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
