i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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