Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
