Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I met the friendliest cop last night
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
