Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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