Christians are straight up FREAKS
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize