Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
