yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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