nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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