Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
This is my gift to your gina
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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