That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
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