i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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