Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
