he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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