had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize