Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
