I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
