I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
In America we eat man semen.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
