i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
