i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
