cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
