I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
