I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
