This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize