hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
