Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
