three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
