I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
