I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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