If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
