Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You are the jesus of drinking
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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