you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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