May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
