I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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