need another drink. this is the easiest way
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
