At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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