He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
