Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
