i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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