Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
