john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Randomize
