It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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