I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I fill condoms, not promises.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
