I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
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