I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize