I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
