i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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