Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
