So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
