I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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