my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
