I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
