she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
