We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Randomize
