My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
