if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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