You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize