A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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