If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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