Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
