i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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