You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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