i think my mom watched the whole time
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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