Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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