I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
