how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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