Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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